Eventually. I got carried away with my chocolate eating marathon and almost forgot to post! Happy Easter to all of you, spring is here and it's wonderful. I'm feeling quite proud of myself this week, having overcome a major work-related hurdle, so in honour of my PhD research into women and work in Atlantic Canadian short stories, I am sending you to Women and the Sea for a look at how women have worked in the maritime industries through history. It's a good read.
And in a similar vein, because all of my research involves women writers, I'd like to send you all here: Women Writers: a website all about yes, you guessed it, women writers. It's good to see these resources blooming. Check out the section called "chicken soup for my feminist soul". Have a radical week!
Monday, April 09, 2007
Monday, April 02, 2007
Happy Monday!
It's Ms. Jared's birthday tomorrow! Don't forget to pop over and send her some love.
After my small breakdown yesterday regarding the way our world sexualises and demeans its young women, I needed an antidote. And I found one. Girls Speak Out is a website co-created by Andrea Johnston and Gloria Steinem and it rocks! Point your daughters, sisters, neices, granddaughters, annoying neighbourhood children at this site and let them loose! Their motto is "Don't deal with it, Change it!" That'll do for me...
And finally, (because I was there when she did this and I just found it on YouTube) Amy Ray performing live in Manchester...Have a fantastic week you women!
After my small breakdown yesterday regarding the way our world sexualises and demeans its young women, I needed an antidote. And I found one. Girls Speak Out is a website co-created by Andrea Johnston and Gloria Steinem and it rocks! Point your daughters, sisters, neices, granddaughters, annoying neighbourhood children at this site and let them loose! Their motto is "Don't deal with it, Change it!" That'll do for me...
And finally, (because I was there when she did this and I just found it on YouTube) Amy Ray performing live in Manchester...Have a fantastic week you women!
Sunday, April 01, 2007
You Can't MAKE this shit up...
I'm getting this off my chest before I have to work on tomorrow's Happy Monday post. I can't be in that woman centred, positive, happy feminist space until I've spewed this all out...
I'll skip the tedious back story and cut straight to it. It has come to my attention that there are nightclubs for children!! I can't get my head round it? These under-18 nights are run in ordinary nightclubs, finishing at ten thirty, ready for the real crowd to arrive. These are nightclubs where parents can dump their pre-pubescent broods and leave them dancing and imbibing soft drinks in some under-18 approximation of that adult ritual of getting plastered and flirting with the opposite sex. (Same sex flirting clearly still not acceptable). Is this some sort of social training?
My friend's daughter proudly showed me her photos from the last junior club night in Bolton and I do not know how I stayed upright. The photos were of her and a group of girls (they're THIRTEEN YEARS OLD) all fake tanned, wearing pink bra tops and hot pants. I thought I was looking at women in bikinis. Wearing big fluffy boots, full make-up and body piercings. They look like adults. They look like very "sexy" adult women on the pull. And the boys? Well, surprise surprise they look like small, hairless men. They wear clean shirts and pants and smart shoes. They probably splash on a bit of Lynx (and yes, I know all about that appalling Lynx Mynxes campaign, I'll get to that another post) and have a shave of sorts, but they are fully clothed and not at all sexualised. There's absolutely no chance of any of the boys being mistaken for someone over 18. The girls on the other hand, could quite easily and disturbingly pass.
What is this about? How can I critique this behaviour without sounding like I'm woman bashing? I want to say it's all about training young girls to be sex objects. I want to say where are our girls going to end up? I want to cry for those girls who find self-worth in looking and behaving like this and I want to cry for those who don't fit in and won't buy into it and are bullied and humiliated. I want to make it clear that it is a PATRIARCHY to blame for this sexualising of our girls. I want to do SOMETHING. But I'm so disturbed by what I learned that I am having trouble sleeping.
I'll skip the tedious back story and cut straight to it. It has come to my attention that there are nightclubs for children!! I can't get my head round it? These under-18 nights are run in ordinary nightclubs, finishing at ten thirty, ready for the real crowd to arrive. These are nightclubs where parents can dump their pre-pubescent broods and leave them dancing and imbibing soft drinks in some under-18 approximation of that adult ritual of getting plastered and flirting with the opposite sex. (Same sex flirting clearly still not acceptable). Is this some sort of social training?
My friend's daughter proudly showed me her photos from the last junior club night in Bolton and I do not know how I stayed upright. The photos were of her and a group of girls (they're THIRTEEN YEARS OLD) all fake tanned, wearing pink bra tops and hot pants. I thought I was looking at women in bikinis. Wearing big fluffy boots, full make-up and body piercings. They look like adults. They look like very "sexy" adult women on the pull. And the boys? Well, surprise surprise they look like small, hairless men. They wear clean shirts and pants and smart shoes. They probably splash on a bit of Lynx (and yes, I know all about that appalling Lynx Mynxes campaign, I'll get to that another post) and have a shave of sorts, but they are fully clothed and not at all sexualised. There's absolutely no chance of any of the boys being mistaken for someone over 18. The girls on the other hand, could quite easily and disturbingly pass.
What is this about? How can I critique this behaviour without sounding like I'm woman bashing? I want to say it's all about training young girls to be sex objects. I want to say where are our girls going to end up? I want to cry for those girls who find self-worth in looking and behaving like this and I want to cry for those who don't fit in and won't buy into it and are bullied and humiliated. I want to make it clear that it is a PATRIARCHY to blame for this sexualising of our girls. I want to do SOMETHING. But I'm so disturbed by what I learned that I am having trouble sleeping.
Friday, March 30, 2007
F*ck Off, I'm Hairy Too
Did ya see it? Did ya see Shazia Mirza being all hairy and pro-active about the female body last night on BBC three? I did. I kind of liked the show, but I kind of didn't at the same time. I got excited when Mirza talked about the shame of her body hair, and looked into how much of it she had removed over the years since her teens. I was thrilled when she said that she was going to grow it all out. I was angry as buggery when an ELEVEN YEAR OLD GIRL had her legs waxed and the "beautician" did it, presumably took her money for it and when questioned said that girls are becoming more "aware" of their hair at a younger age, as if that was something to celebrate! Yes, hairy girl children are to be feared and reviled...
I got pissed off when Mirza discussed body hair with some journalist and she said that not shaving makes men think that women are either feminists or political activists, like either thing is distasteful! Eugh, feminism. Just nasty. I was astonished when Mirza went looking for naked women in art and found that women have always been depicted as hairless and smooth skinned. Why haven't I noticed this? Why have I assumed that this hairless, sanitised woman image is a recent, 20th century onwards cultural convention?
What became apparent was that Mirza really wanted to be hairy and feminine. What she really wanted to get at was why the two things are seemingly incompatible and that really spoiled it all for me. She met with a fashion designer who made "sexy" undies out of body hair. They arranged a fashion show with real (not models) hairy women wearing the undies. That just really bent my mind because I liked it. I liked these normal looking hairy women's bodies strutting up and down and enjoying themselves. And for fuck's sake I KNOW better than that! It's fake empowerment, it panders to the patriarchy. It's fucking frilly knickers for God's sake! But it worked. Just for that two minutes when all those women got up on stage in a great big hairy gang and looked up at the camera, raised a two finger salute and shouted "Fuck Off! I'm a Hairy Woman!" it really fucking worked. My spine tingled.
It was, on reflection, too much to expect that the show be about rejecting femininity and embracing feminism; this was BBC Three, not channel four. It was, in its own way, a programme about confounding the hairless expectations of femininity and defying cultural beauty norms. I suppose you could say it was a start...
I got pissed off when Mirza discussed body hair with some journalist and she said that not shaving makes men think that women are either feminists or political activists, like either thing is distasteful! Eugh, feminism. Just nasty. I was astonished when Mirza went looking for naked women in art and found that women have always been depicted as hairless and smooth skinned. Why haven't I noticed this? Why have I assumed that this hairless, sanitised woman image is a recent, 20th century onwards cultural convention?
What became apparent was that Mirza really wanted to be hairy and feminine. What she really wanted to get at was why the two things are seemingly incompatible and that really spoiled it all for me. She met with a fashion designer who made "sexy" undies out of body hair. They arranged a fashion show with real (not models) hairy women wearing the undies. That just really bent my mind because I liked it. I liked these normal looking hairy women's bodies strutting up and down and enjoying themselves. And for fuck's sake I KNOW better than that! It's fake empowerment, it panders to the patriarchy. It's fucking frilly knickers for God's sake! But it worked. Just for that two minutes when all those women got up on stage in a great big hairy gang and looked up at the camera, raised a two finger salute and shouted "Fuck Off! I'm a Hairy Woman!" it really fucking worked. My spine tingled.
It was, on reflection, too much to expect that the show be about rejecting femininity and embracing feminism; this was BBC Three, not channel four. It was, in its own way, a programme about confounding the hairless expectations of femininity and defying cultural beauty norms. I suppose you could say it was a start...
Monday, March 26, 2007
Happy Monday!
I'm a bit late today, but here's some great stuff to have a look at and set you up for a positive week...
Love Your Body is a website brought to you from those amazing people at NOW. Love Your Body Day is October 17th this year, so you now have plenty of time to get your body-loving posts and events ready. Check out the sections for offensive and positive adverts. It makes interesting reading, but don't get me started on the positive ones that I don't think make the grade!
This video made me smile! I may spend an afternoon flashing the people of Salford in just this way. Enjoy!
Love Your Body is a website brought to you from those amazing people at NOW. Love Your Body Day is October 17th this year, so you now have plenty of time to get your body-loving posts and events ready. Check out the sections for offensive and positive adverts. It makes interesting reading, but don't get me started on the positive ones that I don't think make the grade!
This video made me smile! I may spend an afternoon flashing the people of Salford in just this way. Enjoy!
Wednesday, March 21, 2007
Sudanese Women to be Stoned to Death
From Feminist Law Professors:
Two Sudanese women have been sentenced to death by stoning for adultery after a trial in which they had no lawyer and which used Arabic, not their first language, the rights group Amnesty International said.
Sadia Idriss Fadul was sentenced on February 13 and Amouna Abdallah Daldoum on March 6 and their sentences could be carried out at any time, the London-based group said in a statement released late on Monday.
North Sudan implements Islamic sharia law.
“The women had no lawyer during their trial and were not able to defend themselves, as their first languages are those of their ethnic groups,” Amnesty said.
Both women are from non-Arab tribes but the proceedings were in Arabic and no interpreter was provided, Amnesty said. Their trial took place in central Al Gezira state.
The male accused in Fadul’s case was let off because there was not enough evidence against him. Witnesses are usually required to gain a conviction and forensic tests are not normally used in such cases. …
I can't find any information on action to take on Amnesty's website. All I can find is this information from the Sudan Tribune:
RECOMMENDED ACTION: Please send appeals to arrive as quickly as possible, in Arabic, English or your own language:
expressing deep concern that Sadia Idriss Fadul and Amouna Abdallah Daldoum are at risk of being stoned to death;
expressing concern at reports that this sentence was imposed after a trial at which the women had no legal representation and no translation of the legal proceedings into their languages;
expressing concern that one of Sadia Idriss Fadul has one of her children with her in prison;
noting that Amnesty International opposes the death penalty unconditionally in any circumstances;
calling on the authorities not to carry out the death sentence imposed on Sadia Idriss Fadul and Amouna Abdallah Daldoum.
APPEALS TO:
Mr Ali Mohammed Ali al-Mardi
Minister of Justice
Ministry of Justice
PO Box 302
Khartoum
Fax: +249 183 770883
Salutation: Dear Minister
Staff Lieutenant General Abdel Rahman Sir Al Khatum
Governor of Gezira State
Sudan
Fax: + 249 183 770143
Salutation: Dear Governor
Act now.
Two Sudanese women have been sentenced to death by stoning for adultery after a trial in which they had no lawyer and which used Arabic, not their first language, the rights group Amnesty International said.
Sadia Idriss Fadul was sentenced on February 13 and Amouna Abdallah Daldoum on March 6 and their sentences could be carried out at any time, the London-based group said in a statement released late on Monday.
North Sudan implements Islamic sharia law.
“The women had no lawyer during their trial and were not able to defend themselves, as their first languages are those of their ethnic groups,” Amnesty said.
Both women are from non-Arab tribes but the proceedings were in Arabic and no interpreter was provided, Amnesty said. Their trial took place in central Al Gezira state.
The male accused in Fadul’s case was let off because there was not enough evidence against him. Witnesses are usually required to gain a conviction and forensic tests are not normally used in such cases. …
I can't find any information on action to take on Amnesty's website. All I can find is this information from the Sudan Tribune:
RECOMMENDED ACTION: Please send appeals to arrive as quickly as possible, in Arabic, English or your own language:
expressing deep concern that Sadia Idriss Fadul and Amouna Abdallah Daldoum are at risk of being stoned to death;
expressing concern at reports that this sentence was imposed after a trial at which the women had no legal representation and no translation of the legal proceedings into their languages;
expressing concern that one of Sadia Idriss Fadul has one of her children with her in prison;
noting that Amnesty International opposes the death penalty unconditionally in any circumstances;
calling on the authorities not to carry out the death sentence imposed on Sadia Idriss Fadul and Amouna Abdallah Daldoum.
APPEALS TO:
Mr Ali Mohammed Ali al-Mardi
Minister of Justice
Ministry of Justice
PO Box 302
Khartoum
Fax: +249 183 770883
Salutation: Dear Minister
Staff Lieutenant General Abdel Rahman Sir Al Khatum
Governor of Gezira State
Sudan
Fax: + 249 183 770143
Salutation: Dear Governor
Act now.
Tuesday, March 13, 2007
Well, Duh...
Of Course abortion rates drop if you insist on parental notification for women under 16 years of age. How uninformed are you Angela Watkinson, MP for Upminster? Parents are then able to assume complete emotional and physical control over their pregnant daughters and compel them to birth a baby that they did not want. Which situation, you appear to think, is no bad thing. However, in the unfortunate and not that rare occasion that the parents and offspring endure a difficult and/or abusive relationship, this parental notification rule could prove disastrous.
Ms Watkinson: please do not assume that all young women have loving, gentle, open minded parents with whom they are able to communicate freely. Please do not assume that every young woman is safe in her own home and with her family. Please do not assume that all young woman can articulate their pain and emotional distress. Please do not assume that young women are never assaulted and made pregnant by their own fathers.
The bill applies also to the provision of contraception...of course this only has any impact on young women who choose to ask for the pill, since anyone can buy a pack of condoms on behalf of anyone else. I will be writing to Angela Watkinson, telling her what I think of this misogynistic bill. I will also be writing to my own MP, urging him to vote against this appalling, woman hating bit of proposed legislation. I hope you will do likewise.
Ms Watkinson: please do not assume that all young women have loving, gentle, open minded parents with whom they are able to communicate freely. Please do not assume that every young woman is safe in her own home and with her family. Please do not assume that all young woman can articulate their pain and emotional distress. Please do not assume that young women are never assaulted and made pregnant by their own fathers.
The bill applies also to the provision of contraception...of course this only has any impact on young women who choose to ask for the pill, since anyone can buy a pack of condoms on behalf of anyone else. I will be writing to Angela Watkinson, telling her what I think of this misogynistic bill. I will also be writing to my own MP, urging him to vote against this appalling, woman hating bit of proposed legislation. I hope you will do likewise.
Sunday, March 11, 2007
My Porn Dilemma...
Don't panic. I haven't switched sides, suddenly enlightened as to the "truth" regarding some women's agency in sex acts for money; I haven't had that particular epiphany and I never shall. No, it's this: one of my friend's sons has been caught out looking at online porn. His worried mum told me all about it, then went on at length, explaining that it was only "tame" porn... nothing violent or unusual, and therefore her 14 year old son is normal. She told me that she had chatted to him about the possibility of him stumbling across such deviant activities as (horrors!) gay porn (the male kind, not the acceptable and normal fake female, male gaze sanctioned kind), BDSM and fetish stuff and violent porn. She cautioned him that once he has seen these images, he cannot wipe his eyes clean.
No. He can not. He can not wipe from his eyes the kind of humiliating and degrading images that he has already seen and his mother and father have normalised and contextualised for him. Now he thinks that porn is good. When I suggested that it might be good to question any kind of porn, I got the "normal, sexual development" argument.
I expect solidarity against pornstitution from my women friends and as a result I am often disappointed. I am, however, rarely stuck for words and don't often back away from a debate. When the subject arises I shall continue to argue with my friend against this normalisation of porn because I think our friendship is worth it. But now I am in danger of losing that friendship because I can't accept her argument that what all this amounts to is normal adolescent development. Well, yes it IS normal for teenage boys and the men that they become to objectify women. It IS normal for boys to think that women are sexually available meat. It IS (I hear) normal to decorate your son's bedroom with posters of nubile naked women in an attempt to help him formulate "safe" sexual fantasies. It just fucking shouldn't be.
And we can't seem to get beyond our respective positions on that. I don't have a son, and I don't know how I would behave if I was torn between my absolute conviction that porn is wrong and my desire to have a son that "fits in" with his peers. I think I do know what I would do. But I can't voice this and be credible because in any hypothetical situation it is always easy to stay behind moral conviction.
I just don't know how far I go with this. I suppose what I'm asking is: should I just shut up? Is this going to have to be one of those subjects that she and I agree to keep off limits?
No. He can not. He can not wipe from his eyes the kind of humiliating and degrading images that he has already seen and his mother and father have normalised and contextualised for him. Now he thinks that porn is good. When I suggested that it might be good to question any kind of porn, I got the "normal, sexual development" argument.
I expect solidarity against pornstitution from my women friends and as a result I am often disappointed. I am, however, rarely stuck for words and don't often back away from a debate. When the subject arises I shall continue to argue with my friend against this normalisation of porn because I think our friendship is worth it. But now I am in danger of losing that friendship because I can't accept her argument that what all this amounts to is normal adolescent development. Well, yes it IS normal for teenage boys and the men that they become to objectify women. It IS normal for boys to think that women are sexually available meat. It IS (I hear) normal to decorate your son's bedroom with posters of nubile naked women in an attempt to help him formulate "safe" sexual fantasies. It just fucking shouldn't be.
And we can't seem to get beyond our respective positions on that. I don't have a son, and I don't know how I would behave if I was torn between my absolute conviction that porn is wrong and my desire to have a son that "fits in" with his peers. I think I do know what I would do. But I can't voice this and be credible because in any hypothetical situation it is always easy to stay behind moral conviction.
I just don't know how far I go with this. I suppose what I'm asking is: should I just shut up? Is this going to have to be one of those subjects that she and I agree to keep off limits?
Friday, March 09, 2007
I Forgot...
to blog on International Women's Day. Shame on me. Here are some flowers by way of an apology:
And please, take a few moments to go and add your name to the virtual march in solidarity with our feminist sisters in Iran.
And if you get another minute and have some spare cash, nip over to Ms. Jared's place and help her increase her sponsor money for the walk against rape. Cheers!
And please, take a few moments to go and add your name to the virtual march in solidarity with our feminist sisters in Iran.
And if you get another minute and have some spare cash, nip over to Ms. Jared's place and help her increase her sponsor money for the walk against rape. Cheers!
Tuesday, March 06, 2007
So, There's This Dentist...
I currently take anti-anxiety medication, something else for panic attacks and another load of dope for another health issue that I don't care to reveal at the moment. (You don't need to know and it's neither exciting nor front-bottom related.)
Here's my question: should it be okay for my dentist to say to me "I take it you aren't on the Seroxat (Paxil) any more!" and then giggle as if she just told a really good joke? I felt really embarrassed and at that moment I didn't know why. Quick as a flash I answered "actually I am." She responded a bit sheepishly with "20mg?" I answered "30mg. I am, in fact, quite insane." She wrote it all in my notes and got on with the check up.
So, anyway, I know the answer to my own question. It wasn't okay for her to make an assumption, joke about it and make me feel ashamed of the medication that I need. But why did I have to try and be funny about it? First off, I wasn't sure why she made the comment. Has she seen the bad press that surrounds paroxetine and assumed that no-one takes it any more? Has she looked at my notes and calculated the length of time I have been on the tablets and assumed I ought to be "cured" by now? What prompted the question and the giggle?
Secondly, was there any way I could have responded to that comment without irreparably damaging the otherwise excellent relationship that I have with her? I love my dentist. She has coaxed me into more and better dental healthcare and she is still NHS. She has always been caring and sensitive and this was totally out of character for her. My gut feeling is that she will have noted the exchange and felt quite silly about it. I hope so. This is one of those conversations that I really don't want to have.
I suppose what I'm really asking is, "Why am I ashamed of my mental health status?". I'm a bit shocked that it was such a sore point. I thought I was beyond that kind of thinking. Turns out maybe I'm not.
Here's my question: should it be okay for my dentist to say to me "I take it you aren't on the Seroxat (Paxil) any more!" and then giggle as if she just told a really good joke? I felt really embarrassed and at that moment I didn't know why. Quick as a flash I answered "actually I am." She responded a bit sheepishly with "20mg?" I answered "30mg. I am, in fact, quite insane." She wrote it all in my notes and got on with the check up.
So, anyway, I know the answer to my own question. It wasn't okay for her to make an assumption, joke about it and make me feel ashamed of the medication that I need. But why did I have to try and be funny about it? First off, I wasn't sure why she made the comment. Has she seen the bad press that surrounds paroxetine and assumed that no-one takes it any more? Has she looked at my notes and calculated the length of time I have been on the tablets and assumed I ought to be "cured" by now? What prompted the question and the giggle?
Secondly, was there any way I could have responded to that comment without irreparably damaging the otherwise excellent relationship that I have with her? I love my dentist. She has coaxed me into more and better dental healthcare and she is still NHS. She has always been caring and sensitive and this was totally out of character for her. My gut feeling is that she will have noted the exchange and felt quite silly about it. I hope so. This is one of those conversations that I really don't want to have.
I suppose what I'm really asking is, "Why am I ashamed of my mental health status?". I'm a bit shocked that it was such a sore point. I thought I was beyond that kind of thinking. Turns out maybe I'm not.
Monday, March 05, 2007
Happy Monday!
I WILL not be tearful today..! This video made me wet myself. Really. Take the five odd minutes and enjoy some feminist comedy.
I love Maxine! "Dammit girl, you're Condi-licious!"
Have a wonderful, radical week you women!
I love Maxine! "Dammit girl, you're Condi-licious!"
Have a wonderful, radical week you women!
Sunday, March 04, 2007
Can Anyone Explain?
Why "BDSM Sexual Intercourse" has appeared as one of my subscribed feeds on Bloglines? I am going to complain about it. It was a bit of a shock when I clicked on my feeds page this morning; it was there at the top of my list! It's gone now because I deleted it, but now I'm thinking that deleting it may have activated something? Does anyone know? I am scanning with all my virus ware immediately!
Oh I Am Down Today...
In the interests of knocking recent unpleasantness on the head before I keel over and die of exasperation complicated by ineffable sadness at the state of radical feminism today, I will apologise for printing e-mails in part and without permission. It was the wrong thing to do and I recognise this.
I am now politely asking certain people to leave this blog and my e-mail alone. I don't need it and I don't want it. I find that it is now becoming oppressive. I won't be contacting you and I hope you can afford me the same courtesy.
I have modified and/or deleted all references in my posts to the entire situation. I have left comments alone, authors of said comments may feel free to ask me to delete them. Let's move on.
I am now politely asking certain people to leave this blog and my e-mail alone. I don't need it and I don't want it. I find that it is now becoming oppressive. I won't be contacting you and I hope you can afford me the same courtesy.
I have modified and/or deleted all references in my posts to the entire situation. I have left comments alone, authors of said comments may feel free to ask me to delete them. Let's move on.
Friday, March 02, 2007
What and Who is Fair Game in This War Against the Patriarchy?
Where is the line of acceptable action drawn? May we use any means to make our point or fight our corner? Should we, as radical feminists, be held to account for higher standards of behaviour then we would expect from the enemy camp? Or is anything okay given that often, the ends justify the means? When does disagreement about this line within the radfem sphere become pointless infighting?
Thursday, March 01, 2007
This Week I Read...
My Mama's Waltz: A book for adult daughters of alcoholic mothers. It was amazing. I have had therapy for many years and still never REALLY felt that anyone knew how I had grown up; I still felt alone. Not now!! Every story in this book touched a nerve with me. Every woman in this book has had some experience that ties in with mine. I understand now that it is normal to love and hate my mother at the same time and not get why it works like that. It just does, and it's okay.
I feel understood. I feel validated. I feel comforted.
I feel understood. I feel validated. I feel comforted.
Tuesday, February 27, 2007
Some Thoughts on Touching...
I am not used to being touched. I am not used to touching other people. I hug my family and have always been a cuddler, by which I mean that if you are crying or feeling shitty I WILL hold you and let you sob; I WILL cuddle you until you feel safer. But when it comes to something like last night's yoga class, where we partnered up and pushed down on each other's thighs, I go cold. What is happening here?
The class is made up of some eight women and three men. Two of the men are great, ordinary guys who just get on with the class. But of course, there's the obligatory dickhead wearing inappropriate shorts who has already spent ten minutes showing us his Thai-boxing skills and his well-defined thigh muscles. Nobody in the room wants to partner with him. He makes some sort of faux sexual grunting noise when our teacher leans over the opened thighs of her partner. You know the man, we all do. It is understandable that he makes me uncomfortable. But I am comfortable with my partner. I know her. Still, as I lie there my body is fighting her touch. I feel overwhelmed with the need to get her off me. To have my space back. And I can tell, as I return the touch, that she is feeling the same panic.
I suspect that we are not used to such familiarity with our own bodies. With other people's bodies. For so many reasons, I am used to protecting my body and curling into a defensive posture, not lying prone and exposed. I don't know how to be open to this touch. I don't know how to stop feeling that burned in fear of touch. I worry that my body is somehow offensive to others. I KNOW that the actions of other's bodies can be offensive to me. What I am sure of is that I was not alone in my discomfort. Most of the women in the room had some sort of nervous reaction to the exercise.
So how do I get past this? Will it just become natural with experience? Is it even really a problem? All I can say is I felt that as a radical feminist woman, I was shocked by how tightly closed off my body is in this peaceful, safe space...
(Mister Shorts-that-show-scrotum was comfortable as long as he thought he was going to manhandle his female neighbour. His demeanour altered when one of the men stepped up and commandeered him before he got his hands on anyone else. Heh.)
The class is made up of some eight women and three men. Two of the men are great, ordinary guys who just get on with the class. But of course, there's the obligatory dickhead wearing inappropriate shorts who has already spent ten minutes showing us his Thai-boxing skills and his well-defined thigh muscles. Nobody in the room wants to partner with him. He makes some sort of faux sexual grunting noise when our teacher leans over the opened thighs of her partner. You know the man, we all do. It is understandable that he makes me uncomfortable. But I am comfortable with my partner. I know her. Still, as I lie there my body is fighting her touch. I feel overwhelmed with the need to get her off me. To have my space back. And I can tell, as I return the touch, that she is feeling the same panic.
I suspect that we are not used to such familiarity with our own bodies. With other people's bodies. For so many reasons, I am used to protecting my body and curling into a defensive posture, not lying prone and exposed. I don't know how to be open to this touch. I don't know how to stop feeling that burned in fear of touch. I worry that my body is somehow offensive to others. I KNOW that the actions of other's bodies can be offensive to me. What I am sure of is that I was not alone in my discomfort. Most of the women in the room had some sort of nervous reaction to the exercise.
So how do I get past this? Will it just become natural with experience? Is it even really a problem? All I can say is I felt that as a radical feminist woman, I was shocked by how tightly closed off my body is in this peaceful, safe space...
(Mister Shorts-that-show-scrotum was comfortable as long as he thought he was going to manhandle his female neighbour. His demeanour altered when one of the men stepped up and commandeered him before he got his hands on anyone else. Heh.)
Sunday, February 25, 2007
Happy Monday!
I'm posting early this week as I'm pushed for time tomorrow, and I don't want you all to miss this weeks choice! Go here and spend some time going through the photos. I'm not sure if the e-mail to add your own pic is still active, but what's the worst that can happen?! I haven't really looked in detail at the Empowerment web site, but it looks interesting. Have fun and have a truly empowered week, women!
Friday, February 23, 2007
Zero Tolerance
I'm making myself clear. Porn is porn is porn. There is no such thing as "good" porn, "feminist" porn, "woman centred" porn etc. I make no apology for my opinion. I'm feeling a little outnumbered these days though...
Thursday, February 22, 2007
Alright alright, you talked me into it...
Here's me and daughter at last night's Indigo Girls gig at Manchester Academy 2. I'm the one who looks older. And a bit overwhelmed...
Below are pictures that demonstrate two important things: first, the Indigo Girls are just magnificent. Second, I need a better camera.
Catherine Feeny, the support act, was fabulous. She has a strong, soaring voice and her style reminds me a little of Patty Griffin. I bought the album and suggest you check her out. One of her songs is currently featuring in the movie Running With Scissors. After Feeny came the main event. My heroes, the Indigo Girls. And yes, they were everything I expected them to be and more. Utterly amazing, pitch perfect, incredible guitar skills. I was waving my arms in the air and stamping my feet with the rest of the crowd. The playlist was fantastic, it included Last Tears, Land of Canaan, Jonas and Ezekiel, Kid Fears, Pendulum Swingers, Little Perennials and Chicken Man. I could really only have wished for Ozilline. Amy and Emily chatted with the audience, Amy fluffed her lyrics a couple of times and laughed it off, it was just such a friendly, warm, powerful evening. Standing there, holding hands with daughter, the love of my life, I was struck by the unexpected thought that my life is good.
Wednesday, February 21, 2007
Yesterday
I went back to church. I went for several reasons, one of which was the need to revisit the place of so many appalling and recurring nightmares. I had joined the Independent Methodists when I was a fresh-faced babe of about eight years old and I stayed through to my mid-teens. I left when I worked out that I was being scared into trying to feel emotions that I didn't understand. I left because I felt frightened. The fears and oppression that I felt there have followed me ever since, rearing up at unexpected moments, stopping me in my tracks, terrifying me. So anyway, yesterday I faced my demons and I devoured them; I am no longer in fear of that building or the people who worship within it.
It was, in truth, somewhat of an anti-climax. I had anticipated an internal battle, a panic attack, a purple breathless struggle for self-control. In fact I felt confident, tall and proud and grounded. I sniffed round the building, looking in rooms that had previously seemed large, dark and unwelcoming. I looked up at the impossibly high windows and saw just winter sunshine. No vengeful, homophobic God peering in at me. I read through some of the tracts that lay on the tables and I felt sorry that I had ever been trapped in such a miserable woman-loathing religion. I felt gloriously radical and feminist and human! And I slept like a baby last night.
It was, in truth, somewhat of an anti-climax. I had anticipated an internal battle, a panic attack, a purple breathless struggle for self-control. In fact I felt confident, tall and proud and grounded. I sniffed round the building, looking in rooms that had previously seemed large, dark and unwelcoming. I looked up at the impossibly high windows and saw just winter sunshine. No vengeful, homophobic God peering in at me. I read through some of the tracts that lay on the tables and I felt sorry that I had ever been trapped in such a miserable woman-loathing religion. I felt gloriously radical and feminist and human! And I slept like a baby last night.
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