I am so conflicted about this whole healthy eating thing. I know that I have to do it for my health, I have to try and cut down my risk of stroke, heart attack etc. But I am a compulsive eater. I have been trying for years to get to a place of comfort and safety where food is concerned. I have been learning to love my body as it is, which meant accepting my fat and my weight. Now everything I have learned has been thrown right back at me. It is NOT okay to be me. Being me is dangerous.
I loathe the idea of Weight Watchers, Slimming World, Slim Fast etc. I absolutely can not agree with the philosophy behind any of them. But where do I go for help now? Where do I turn for advice on losing weight without it becoming an exercise in body fascism? How do I reconcile my need to be smaller and healthier with my fat woman politics?
I am struggling today; all I want to do is find refuge in the foods that I love. Suddenly, frighteningly, it isn't a safe option.