I'm getting better. I slumped for a while and felt crappy, but I'm picking up now. I re-arranged my living spaces, my work areas, my books and CDs. I threw out some crap. I listened to some great feminist music, (thanks you all!) and I feel better. Less harassed by my own self, if that makes any sense.
I made a decision to stop taking bullshit from strangers out of politeness. I volunteer in a charity shop and you wouldn't believe the racist, sexist hate comments that fly past my ears every time I am there. I realised that I was holding in my words, fearing that my responses might offend. It's not good for anyone to do that! So now I'm answering back. If I hear another comment about "immigrants" or "illegals" or any other racist name calling, I'm putting a stop to it, customer or not. I may get asked to pack up my duds and volunteer elsewhere, but hey ho! There you go. I'm prioritising.
I decided to stop shitting myself about money. If I need some, the universe will provide. I'm not hungry or cold or even uncomfortable. If I need money it's for something luxurious not necessary. I'm obsessing because I don't have a proper paying job and the obsession is running a huge part of my life. I will get there. I'm leaving the worry behind and moving on.
I'm reading again. I stopped reading, which was probably a sign of impending mental trauma but damn, I missed it again! There's ALWAYS a sign and I don't always catch it. But still, I'm adding it to my list of things to be aware of. I'll know next time! Anyway, I'm reading fanny Flagg's "Welcome to the World, Baby Girl!" and it's wonderful.
And I'm writing. I'm blogging today, I wrote a couple of short verse exercises yesterday and I started a yoga journal last week. My fingers and brain are re-connected. Things are looking up...
