Zero Tolerance

I'm making myself clear. Porn is porn is porn. There is no such thing as "good" porn, "feminist" porn, "woman centred" porn etc. I make no apology for my opinion. I'm feeling a little outnumbered these days though...

Alright alright, you talked me into it...

Here's me and daughter at last night's Indigo Girls gig at Manchester Academy 2. I'm the one who looks older. And a bit overwhelmed...

Below are pictures that demonstrate two important things: first, the Indigo Girls are just magnificent. Second, I need a better camera.

Catherine Feeny, the support act, was fabulous. She has a strong, soaring voice and her style reminds me a little of Patty Griffin. I bought the album and suggest you check her out. One of her songs is currently featuring in the movie Running With Scissors. After Feeny came the main event. My heroes, the Indigo Girls. And yes, they were everything I expected them to be and more. Utterly amazing, pitch perfect, incredible guitar skills. I was waving my arms in the air and stamping my feet with the rest of the crowd. The playlist was fantastic, it included Last Tears, Land of Canaan, Jonas and Ezekiel, Kid Fears, Pendulum Swingers, Little Perennials and Chicken Man. I could really only have wished for Ozilline. Amy and Emily chatted with the audience, Amy fluffed her lyrics a couple of times and laughed it off, it was just such a friendly, warm, powerful evening. Standing there, holding hands with daughter, the love of my life, I was struck by the unexpected thought that my life is good.

Yesterday

I went back to church. I went for several reasons, one of which was the need to revisit the place of so many appalling and recurring nightmares. I had joined the Independent Methodists when I was a fresh-faced babe of about eight years old and I stayed through to my mid-teens. I left when I worked out that I was being scared into trying to feel emotions that I didn't understand. I left because I felt frightened. The fears and oppression that I felt there have followed me ever since, rearing up at unexpected moments, stopping me in my tracks, terrifying me. So anyway, yesterday I faced my demons and I devoured them; I am no longer in fear of that building or the people who worship within it.

It was, in truth, somewhat of an anti-climax. I had anticipated an internal battle, a panic attack, a purple breathless struggle for self-control. In fact I felt confident, tall and proud and grounded. I sniffed round the building, looking in rooms that had previously seemed large, dark and unwelcoming. I looked up at the impossibly high windows and saw just winter sunshine. No vengeful, homophobic God peering in at me. I read through some of the tracts that lay on the tables and I felt sorry that I had ever been trapped in such a miserable woman-loathing religion. I felt gloriously radical and feminist and human! And I slept like a baby last night.

Happy Monday!

I'm still hanging on to my internet connection. It dies frequently but only for moments at a time, so it's bearable for now! Anyway, this week I finally get to see the Indigo Girls live and in person! This makes me ludicrously happy and I want to share my joy. Of course I am catastrophising the whole thing: what if I can't get there on time? What if there's a bus strike/taxi strike/my legs fall off? What if they cancel? What if I get there and my tickets are lost? I could go on and on. I'm practised at it.

Anyway, back to the sharing of joy...



Have a fabulous week! Will you be able to wait for the photos? x