Friday, October 26, 2007

Oh, How I hate that word...*

Do you "slow down for whores"?** I ask because if you are the driver that does, there's apparently a bumper sticker you can buy, letting other drivers know that in the event of you espying a woman who, in your estimation, is in fact a whore, you will drop your speed to some ludicrously slow level in order that you may do whatever it is that you do when you have your whore in sight without causing some kind of horrendous pile-up.

I wonder, how do you identify your whore? Is it dress? Hair style? Attitude, location, general air of downtrodden misery? Is the only qualifying factor her evident femaleness? Does it even really matter to you that who choose is actually a prostitute? Will any woman do in a pinch? A man even? I'm guessing that big breasts are essential, given the logo that accompanies the info on your bumper sticker.***

While I'm at it, just what is it that you do? There seems to me to be a notable distinction between stopping for whores, and slowing down. If you're only reducing your speed, you clearly aren't paying your chosen whore for any service. Unless you expect her to stick her head/arms/bum through the car window and get swept dangling alongside as you get blown/wanked/fucked while you drive? Are you slowing down to shout advice? Are you slowing down to toss out money that you owe from earlier encounters? Are you slowing down to ogle, sneer, laugh and generally degrade your whore-elect? What? What's your intent? I don't get it.

Well I'll tell you something you stupid, ignorant pig, your bumper sticker demeans me. It demeans your mother, your sister and your wife. It demeans your daughter. It demeans all women, whores and otherwise. Not only that, (and which I suspect will worry you not at all) it makes you look fucking stupid. You know, you really aren't cool and edgy. You are in fact tedious and simple. And the next time I'm parked behind you in the supermarket, that bumper sticker is done for. Idiot.

* I hate it. I really do. Just so you know.
** Actual bumper sticker I saw yesterday.
***The sticker read "I slow down for whores" and had that awful mudflap woman logo on it. Sometimes I despair.

EDIT: It isn't the mudflap woman, It's similar but not quite the same. I just located the source of the stickers, you can find it yourself if you search using the sticker phrase in quotation marks. I'm not linking. Yuk.


Anonymous said...

Of course, I had to go and have a look, didn't I? Delightful.

It's just stupid,isn't it? It doesn't even make sense as a pun or whatever the hell it's supposed to be. Like you say, why? Why do you slow down for whores? Are they startled by the noise of your car? Will they canter off if you go roaring past in your ridiculously souped-up little Citroen XL with your - ooooh - really loud music and your stupid shitty bumber sticker? (Sorry, I've got a hole image in my head of the sort of 'man' who would buy a sticker like that - it ain't pretty!)

Rant over. Yuk, indeed. x

Towanda said...

amen, sister!

Kitty Glendower said...

The irony is, in this hypermasucline world, technically that bumper sticker would mean he is uncool, not cool because he has to buy/bribe/persuade a “whore.” So what the bumper sticker is really saying is he cannot function/succeed/achieve as a member of a system that is already constructed in a way to favor him.

Carry a scraper in your car. I'm right there with you, let him find his sticker scraped.

Pippa said...

Thanks women!! I have my scraper at the ready... and a hammer. Hahahahaahahaha!

lost clown said...

It makes me want to send you a package of "This oppresses women" stickers to stick on top of them so that only the top sticker is showing.

That and I have had quite a few men slow down to comment on my bralessness. One guy even told me I'd "look better if I was wearing a bra." Yeah, thanks creepy old dude, I should sacrifice my comfort so that you can find me more aesthitically appeasing and therefore ogle me more. Sure....