Thursday, May 17, 2007

An Update, or "All About Me"

I'm getting better. I slumped for a while and felt crappy, but I'm picking up now. I re-arranged my living spaces, my work areas, my books and CDs. I threw out some crap. I listened to some great feminist music, (thanks you all!) and I feel better. Less harassed by my own self, if that makes any sense.

I made a decision to stop taking bullshit from strangers out of politeness. I volunteer in a charity shop and you wouldn't believe the racist, sexist hate comments that fly past my ears every time I am there. I realised that I was holding in my words, fearing that my responses might offend. It's not good for anyone to do that! So now I'm answering back. If I hear another comment about "immigrants" or "illegals" or any other racist name calling, I'm putting a stop to it, customer or not. I may get asked to pack up my duds and volunteer elsewhere, but hey ho! There you go. I'm prioritising.

I decided to stop shitting myself about money. If I need some, the universe will provide. I'm not hungry or cold or even uncomfortable. If I need money it's for something luxurious not necessary. I'm obsessing because I don't have a proper paying job and the obsession is running a huge part of my life. I will get there. I'm leaving the worry behind and moving on.

I'm reading again. I stopped reading, which was probably a sign of impending mental trauma but damn, I missed it again! There's ALWAYS a sign and I don't always catch it. But still, I'm adding it to my list of things to be aware of. I'll know next time! Anyway, I'm reading fanny Flagg's "Welcome to the World, Baby Girl!" and it's wonderful.

And I'm writing. I'm blogging today, I wrote a couple of short verse exercises yesterday and I started a yoga journal last week. My fingers and brain are re-connected. Things are looking up...

7 comments:

deviousdiva said...

if I'm ever in salford....
Glad you are feeling stronger and better and that you are reading.

Do you ever chat? I have a regular Thursday night thing on my blog and you are most welcome if you fancy it. It can be a laugh and a way to just connect without having to get to know people?!! If you know what I mean? Drop me an email if you feel like it. I'd love to see you there....

witchy-woo said...

You're even sounding so much more like yourself! And there's such a lot of good sense in this post too.

Onwards and upwards!

xx

lost clown said...

Glad things are looking up.

The universe did provide in my case...I called out to my blog readers and they helped me through a very tough time.

Pippa said...

Thanks! Diva: I'll try and be there on Thursday, will also have a good read of your site, thanks!

Witchy, I really am so much more myself; back to regular posting any day now. And thanks for the Witchy energy!

Lost clown: i saw your cry for help and am sorry that i couldn't respond. I should have been honest and 'splained my own situation...offered verbal/emotional support. Thanks for yours. x

Liz said...

I'm you're feeling better! And that you're reading again. I have found that when I'm feeling disaffected, it's always my reading that stops completely too :-S And I'm a real bookworm!

xxx

Liz said...

Oops..forgot the *glad* before feeling better :-S xxx

spotted elephant said...

Pippa-I'm so glad to hear this. I've been worrying about you, so I'm relieved you're feeling better.

And this post is full of wisdom. You should never have to hold parts of yourself back, or let hate go for fear of offense and/or losing a position. We've all *done* those things, but nobody should have to.
xo