Catless....

Yesterday we had to have our cat euthanised. At the young age of four she had developed what the vet suspected was renal failure. We cried a lot and then waited while the vet did her thing...it wasn't pleasant but it WAS kind. So, after we lost our other two last year to cancer and old age, we are now catless and quite heartbroken. I don't think we will have another. Tiger was the best kind of cat. We will miss her.

Just Testing!

Let's see if this works.... If it does, enjoy!

Yes you are in the right place!

I switched to the Beta! And it is great fun... I'll keep adding to the blogroll as I go along. No messing about with HTML anymore!

Porn. Yes, That's What I said....

So, today my Daughter comes home from college RANTING. She was absolutely furious because of a discussion in her philosophy class. The subject was pornography. Daughter explained that most of her class found porn acceptable and even desirable, men and women alike. Bulldog-like, my tenacious daughter fought her anti-porn corner only to be told by one young man that her opinions are "outdated fifties feminism"; this same man jokingly threatened to strangle her, going so far as to get up out of his seat and approach her. What humour! What fun! The irony of his behaviour was lost on him. The general consensus was that porn is acceptable because women in porn have a choice. They have agency. They are using their bodies to make a living.

I have stayed away from the subject of porn so far in my short blogging career, but today I'm having my say. Porn is NEVER okay. Porn is about male domination, aggression and ownership. Porn is about humiliation, violence and control. Women who use and participate in porn are condoning the abuse and rape of other women. Men who use, buy and celebrate porn are promoting violence against women. If you like to see women sexually degraded, whether or not you think they have been paid for their suffering, you are enjoying someone else's misery. If you think that monetary compensation is all it takes to legitimise violence and rape, you might ask yourself if it is okay to go around raping people and giving them money afterwards.

Porn apologists trot out hackneyed words like "consent" and "choice" and "sexual freedom". They accuse radical feminist women like me and Daughter of sexual dysfunction, misandry and frigidity. It seems that we just hate it that there are liberated women out there who love to have sex and enjoy earning money for doing what they love... we are simply envious hags who can't get laid. We've heard all the insults; there's no new rhetoric coming from the pro-porn brigade, the reasoning to which it clings is old and tired and sad. But it is becoming obvious to me that there are new, if unintelligent and inarticulate recruits in the pornography army. My Daughter reports that she and a friend were the only people in her class of fourteen who were anti-porn. What is to be done?

As If Things Weren't Bad Enough...

This beggars belief. The treatment of this woman is nothing short of disgusting. CodePink has some information as well as other excellent anti-war resources. Here is Suzanne Swift's own site. Please visit and offer support!

(On the diabetes front, I am feeling really well and healthy at the moment. I'll post on that later this weekend.)

About How I get a Bit Pissed Off...

I went for all my extra blood tests last week, for liver function, fasting lipids, blood sugar, and about four other things that mean nothing to me. Everything came back normal. Well within healthy limits. I was jumping for joy! Woo hoo!! The doctor was wrong! Yes, I can get on with my life, I can get out of this awful feeling of dread and depression. I can run away from diabetes and daily testing and exchange diets. I am capital letters two exclamation points FREE!! Except I'm not.

It turns out that a fasting blood sugar test is meaningless. I'll say it again and highlight it: meaningless. The results count for nothing. I have to go for more tests that will "catch" the lurking, reluctant to show diabetes. Now, my point is not "why bother having a test that is meaningless?"(although that would seem to be a question worth asking). No, my point is, why don't I know about all this? How can it be that no-one has explained this to me? I feel pissed off and let down again.

Positive sides: I have bought a book, "Diabetes: The First Year" and I will familiarise myself with all of its contents. I have been eating really well since the initial diagnosis. I am getting used to the masses of veg and no chocolate!! My almost continual headaches have all but disappeared and my skin looks better than ever. I am still very conflicted about dieting and fat acceptance but for me this feels like the right way to go for now. I feel in control. I think that has to be sufficient for the time being...

BTW Many thanks to all who have sent support, I appreciate it more than you can imagine. xx

Pippa's Big Fat Dilemma...

I am so conflicted about this whole healthy eating thing. I know that I have to do it for my health, I have to try and cut down my risk of stroke, heart attack etc. But I am a compulsive eater. I have been trying for years to get to a place of comfort and safety where food is concerned. I have been learning to love my body as it is, which meant accepting my fat and my weight. Now everything I have learned has been thrown right back at me. It is NOT okay to be me. Being me is dangerous.

I loathe the idea of Weight Watchers, Slimming World, Slim Fast etc. I absolutely can not agree with the philosophy behind any of them. But where do I go for help now? Where do I turn for advice on losing weight without it becoming an exercise in body fascism? How do I reconcile my need to be smaller and healthier with my fat woman politics?

I am struggling today; all I want to do is find refuge in the foods that I love. Suddenly, frighteningly, it isn't a safe option.

Pippa Feels Somewhat Despondent

How is THIS even possible in this day and age? How can we still be fighting to control our own bodies? Third party notarization? This is the thin end of the wedge and I am terrified of the implications that this has for Texas' women.

(Just so you know, I switched to Blogger Beta and for some reason your comments are getting eaten alive! Yes, ALIVE I tell you! I'm sorry about this and I will try to fix it. Not least because it looks like nobody is reading my incredibly incisive and intelligent writings. Sniff.)

meme!

Why are they called that then? Here's my contribution...

Why Do You Blog?

Because it's a bit like having a therapy session. I get to moan or just say things that aren't relevant to anyone but me. It's my space.

How Long Have You Been Blogging?

About four months. A baby blog, mine is!

Self-Portrait.





Why Do Readers Read Your Blog?

I have no idea. I like to think that they can connect with me a little bit. I would love to feel that some things that I say can be supportive to other radfems. I tend to shy away from saying more radical stuff, I'm not too confident yet! I'll get there...

What Was The Last Search Phrase That Someone Used to Get to Your Site?

"breasts pointing south". Yes. Well. You couldn't make it up.

Which of Your Entries Unjustly Gets Too Little Attention?

My Stop smoking advice post!! I want to spread the word. I am aware that I too often evangelise about smoke free living. And Pies.

Your Current Favourite Blog?

Oh sinister girl. Ms. Jared is always my first port of call in the morning! I'm such a suck up...

What Blog Did You Read Most Recently?

see above answer.

Which Feeds Do You Subscribe to?

None. But I intend to. I waste entirely too much time chasing up new posts that aren't there and then I miss all the best ones!

What Four Blogs Are You Tagging With this Meme and Why?

Kevin
Edith
Laura
Jake

These people interest me. None of them takes any guff! I aspire to that attitude. Thanks Jared for tagging me! xx

Ms Jared makes my day!!

Oh I've been so down these last few days. Just laying about feeling a bit scared and a bit out of control. I thought I was okay but I'm not, and allowing that to just be the truth is going to have to be the biggest effort I make for the time being. I'm not working, I'm not taking good care of myself, I hurt all over, you know the score... I haven't even managed to read all my favourite blogs.

Tonight I felt a big moment coming. A moment of complete chaos in my head, where I lose all rational thought and just panic. I felt it start to surge up and I CHOSE to turn it away. (Note very important capitalization of word!! I made a choice! I didn't get swept away by my feelings! Yay!) I came to my computer and looked for some friends and some comfort. And good gracious if I didn't find all that I needed on Ms Jared's blog!!! I had some catching up to do and I started with that delightful photo of a blond Ms J. She's going back to school. Go Jared! I moved on to her latest meme, and she tagged me!!! My second ever tag. I feel honoured. I'll get right on it. Thirdly I fell into the post about appreciating ourselves and how great we are. Bright Eyes singing "first day of my life" really made me feel good. I feel rejuvenated. Thanks Ms. Jared.

What's in a Name?

One of my hobbies is genealogy. I spend a lot of time trying to trace my family tree and I can get quite obsessive about it. As a consequence, one of the things that I think about often is the way that women disappear into history because very often we don't have and keep our own names.

I married in 1988 and lost my name. It didn't occur to me that I could keep the name I had been given at birth. It certainly didn't occur to me that my birth name obscured the existence of hundreds of women in my ancestry. When I took my degree I reverted to using my original surname. I wanted my degree to have MY name on it and not the name of my father-in-law and that family who wanted to so wholly own and control me.

Now I am ready to find another name. I have reached such a point in my feminist journey that it no longer seems acceptable to have this name that has been passed down through the male line, laying waste to the sacrifice, hardship and determination of so many women who go on to be forgotten or unidentifiable. But how do I make this enormous choice? I would love to hear your suggestions!

I've Been Away

And now I'm back! I had a fast depressive slump; it crept up on me and caught me. The GREAT news though, is that I was able to work through it on my own and I'm on the way up in record time. Yay me! It's my first crisis since I finished therapy and I was really caught out by it. I drew on my coping strategies and even though I'm not 100% I feel that I can manage my anxiety. I don't expect things will always go this well, but it's promising isn't it?

Dawn French. Again.

It was part two of "Girls Who Do: Comedy" last night. French asked if women comics found that their humour attracted boys. Does being funny act as a man-magnet? Or instant man repellent? (Form an orderly queue, people. When I've perfected the formula, I'll bottle it and start selling.)

I was worried about the way that French really seemed convinced that ALL women are trying to catch a man; we're not ALL straight. But then she changed her pronouns when she interviewed Sandra Bernhard and I wondered if she had tailored all her questions to fit what she already knew about the sexuality of each interviewee. I'd be interested to know the answer to that.

That aside, I actually found it very important to understand what happened when women were funny in mixed company. One or two women were explicit about the way that men found their humour threatening. Funny women are powerful because they can destroy the male ego. Funny women are intelligent and can expose men's frailties.

On the other hand, French explained that she had learned from an early age that if she wanted to "get snogged" at the end of an evening she had to let the boy have the biggest laugh; she couldn't take all the applause for herself. It seemed that if you kept a lid on it, being funny could actually get you some action. For most of the women interviewed, it seemed to be about "beauty". It boiled down to the idea that pretty girls don't need to be funny.

Here's the thing: if you have classic good looks than you don't need to be able to make people like you by being funny. This got clearer and more unfunny as Jenny Eclair recounted the tale of her miracle perm. Sometime in her teens, she had her hair permed and suddenly became very pretty and recognised that she didn't need to settle for the role of comedian anymore. Ruby Wax talked about being ugly and funny. Meera Syal was a big fat girl with a facial "twitch". How depressing to find that even these amazing, talented, powerful women are still stuck defining themselves by their appearance.

I remain delighted by the programme. The credits rolled and I felt an adrenaline rush from just listening to these honest, flawed conversations about women and comedy and life and power and all the attendant worries. I feel like I am in the conversation; I am included. I feel empowered by this kind of television. Even when what is being said drives me mental, I'm loving the saying of it.

Thanks.

To those of you who left condolences, comments, e-mails or otherwise.

Two Years Ago

our family lost someone. He was suffering and we didn't know it. He took his own life in the morning of 16th August.

What suicide does to those left behind is indescribable. If you or anyone you know is feeling suicidal, ask for help. Grab someone, anyone, and tell them that you don't feel safe. Demand help.

In the US you can look here. In the UK you can look here.

Remember how much you are loved.

Funny Women

Who saw Dawn French on The BBC t'other night interviewing all those amazing female comics? It was a marvellous show called Girls Who Do Comedy ( and yes, the "girls" bit pissed me off). It lasted a scant thirty minutes but was so uplifting and wicked and juicy that it could have run for hours and still entranced me.

There were little snippets of life story from each woman, talking about how comedy informed her childhood, framed her existence, made her who she is. It was both hilarious and poignant. The comics included Phyllis Diller, Victoria Wood, Sandra Bernhard, Rita Rudner, Catherine Tate, Linda Smith, Gina Yashere and (the utterly superb and vastly underrated)Mo Gaffney. If it gets repeated, watch it. (And I just googled it and found that it is a )THREE PART SERIES!! Woohoo!)

I'm Quite Impressed

With THIS. I am a bit of an SVU fan; I adore Mariska Hargitay's character Olivia Benson. My daughter and I have loved the show since it started, probably because Olivia is so powerful, (and powerful women are so unusual in TV these days) and she gets to kick ass! As feminist role models for young women go, she's not too shabby.

I was even more impressed when I looked at her website Mariska.com and found the link to Joyful Heart Organisation. It's probably not for everyone; it doesn't come across as radical, but it feels SAFE.

I like it. I like the intention behind it. It's working for me at this moment and I intend to hang around there for a while.

I've Been Tagged!

Woohoo!! Spotted Elephant picked me. I NEVER get picked for anything, so thanks!

On the other hand, this is really HARD.

1. One book that changed your life?

I credit Alice Walker's The Color Purple with my finding feminism. At 16 years old I was at home with a new baby and no idea of where my life was going to go. I was really scared and not very well. I had PPD and didn't know it. Reading The Color Purple showed me new possibilities. It showed me how to be strong in the face of oppression and violence. I looked for other feminist books because I wanted more of the same thing. That book started me on a journey to where I am today and I am grateful for that. I met Alice Walker many years later, when she came to Manchester on a book tour. I queued to see her and when I got to the head of the line I felt faint and dizzy. I mumbled "Thankyou" and she smiled and said "yes". She took my breath away.

2. One book you have read more than once?

Well that has to be Anne of Green Gables. I read it and read it and read it. It is a cure for EVERY ill and misery that I have. Since I was old enough to read it I have longed to go to PEI. I made it in 1999 and again in 2001. Just to see where L M Montgomery lived was amazing. I even brave flying to get there! I have moved on to Montgomery's journals now and they fill me with love and sadness. She too had serious depression and anxiety, and I somehow knew this about her all along.

3. One book you would want on a desert island?

The Worst Journey in the World by Apsley Cherry-Garrard. I don't think its in print anymore. Its an account of Scott's doomed Terra Nova expedition as told by one of the team members. It is a dreadful, sad story and it would make me feel a bit better while I waited to be rescued. No island could be THAT bad!

4. One book that made you laugh?

Strange Heaven by Lynn Coady. I hooted at several points when I read this and it remains on of my favourites when I need a pick-me-up. Here's a bit:

"What Stinks?"
"Nothing Stinks Mumma." Albert, gentle.
"Is that Bridey C?"
"yes."
"Then she's what stinks."
Mumma, is that nice?"
Margaret P would look on in honest wonder. "I'm not saying it to be nice, Albert. Can't you smell it? Something needs to be done."

Genius.

5. One book that made you cry?

Gaining Ground by Joan Barfoot. The story of a woman who leaves her husband and children after realising that they are just not what she really wanted. Living with them is killing her and she uproots herself and goes away to a small cottage in the country. She learns to do without and becomes self-sufficient and content until one day her daughter comes looking for her, needing answers. It is just wonderful and I sob every time I read it. Don't let that put you off! read it and be inspired!

6. One book you wish had been written?

A Directory of Feminist and Women Friendly Businesses. I want a plumber that won't disparage me and a bank that lends money exclusively to women who need to start their own businesses and a doctor who doesn't judge and a mechanic with a vagina and a chocolate shop with free sweets for fat radical feminists. So there.

7. One book you wish had never been written?

Bridget sodding Jones' Diary. What a heap of shit. And all my non-feminist acquaintances and relatives think I'll LOVE IT!! "Because you like women's lib stuff right? Well this is great!" No. It isn't.

8. One book you are currently reading?

Woman Hollering Creek by Sandra Cisneros. Short story collection by one of my favourite writers. One of the stories is called "My Lucy Friend Who Smells Like Corn" How could anyone resist that? Get all of her books and read them. Yum.

9. One book you have been meaning to read?

Those Bones Are Not My Child by Toni Cade Bambara. This is a sad little tale but I'll share it. I bought this book two years ago to read when I was on holiday. The day after I arrived, my 18 year old nephew hanged himself, so I came home. I still can't bring myself to touch the book. I will one day. I hope.

10. Now tag five people!!

I tag:

Yawning Lion at Feh-Muh-Nist
Ms Jared at Sinister Girl (and Ms Jared's Mum!)
Pippi at Villa Villekulla
Alyx at Mad Sheila Musings

Mel gets a bit cross and says some unpleasant things...

Like other feminists, I'm really angry that he isn't begging for help, forgiveness and understanding from women as well as the Jewish community. After all, he did have a go at displaying his misogynistic tendencies. Bitch? Sugar Tits?! Is that the best he could come up with? I mean, I know he was (allegedly) ludicrously drunk and getting cross about being arrested for driving while (allegedly) intoxicated (yes, VERY clever) but really. If you are going to be a woman-hating dick head at least try and do it well. It seems almost cruel to berate him for such a feeble effort, but I will.

What a revolting, self-righteous, offensive, bigoted, cowardly specimen. Ooh! I enjoyed that.

Oh Dear.

That's the title of my new section in the sidebar. There you can find links to all things ludicrous, offensive, ill thought out, anti-woman, anti-choice or just plain sorry. I'll give it a trial and add to it as I find fodder. If it causes offence or seems just plain pointless then I'll remove it.

My theory is "know your enemy".